“If it pleases the king, let there go a royal commandment from him, and let it be written among the laws of the
Persians and the Medes, that it be not altered, That Vashti come no more before king Ahasuerus; and let the king
give her royal estate unto another that is better than she. And when the king's decree which he shall make shall
be published throughout all his empire, (for it is great,) all the wives shall give to their husbands honour,
both to great and small.”
- Esther 1:19-20 KJV
Where is your husband? What is his financial status? How is his appearance? What qualification does he have academically? Is he an introvert or an extrovert? Does he have other children outside or you are the only mother of all his children? What is the nature of his job or is he jobless? How long have you been married and what can you say about marriage? Your view of marriage is just how it will be for you. Before you get married, you must have known almost all of these about him. It is his duty to love, but yours is to submit (Eph 5:22)and another word for this is to honour (Eph 5:33).
Whatever it is can be worked out by your submission and prayers (1Peter 3:1-2); that you reverence, honour or submit to him (your husband) does not mean you can’t talk to him when he is wrong. There is a way to correct those who are in authority over you or higher than you; and this includes our husband and the way of correction is love Eph 4:15a.
A part says, speaking the truth in love: that you honour him, does not make you a fool,it doesn’t mean that your request can’t be granted neither does it make you have no right of saying what you want. Isaiah 1:2 says look unto Abraham your father and unto Sarah your mother.
The Bible told us in 1Peter 3:6 that Sarah obeyed Abraham and called him lord. Like the Bible instructed us to look unto Sarah our mother, who obeyed her husband and called him her lord because the husband has been placed above the wife as the head, but in Gen 21:8-10 the bible says that this same Sarah, who reverenced her husband said to him, “Cast out this bondwoman and her son” referring to Hagar and Ishmael because of what (the trouble) she must have seen or perceived.
The bible says that these things made Abraham angry in verse11 and maybe she prayed,but I believe God saw love in her heart and saw no selfish interest in her as well as her submission to her husband.God showed up in verse 12 and told Abraham to listen to his wife.Inspite of Sarah’s obedience and submission to her husband, she spoke her mind in love and with anger (quarreling) .
Whatever they are, if you don’t treat them like a king in the home, you will see the lion in them when you abuse them because he does things you feel disgraces your standard or he has not been able to carry out his responsibility. The bible never told us to weigh them if they are up to our taste, our standard before we honor them. Once he is your husband, give him his due honor.
Should I honor him even when he is a drunk? Yes, still honor him and with patience and wisdom talk to him about his habit, make him see the reason he should change that habit and also be praying for him. Someday, you will share your testimony. So when he looks back to talk about it, you will be his Pastor, Saviour and Queen. Don’t you want this?
When you don’t honour him, some things may happen such as;
(a) Exposing him to the danger of other girls by making him a flirt which he may not even be able to change from unless God intervenes.
(b) Indirectly telling him you are tired of him, the marriage and want a divorce.
(c) Inviting third parties into your home, which may not be helpful to the situation.
(d) Putting the future of your children at stake because if they can’t handle it, they may end up believing that marriage is hell and may not even want to marry or be married to.
(e) Giving him the thought of a second wife or a replacement like what happened to Vashti.
(f) Once you become a divorcee (divorced), a glory has departed. You may re-marry and still be reigning, people may be celebrating you, but they are only celebrating an old glory because this is never God’s plan for us (Matt 19:4,8-9; 5:32).
In one of our past editions, I told us to value our husband and still want to repeat it again “Value your husband” because it’s the only way you can honour him. It is so because you will only protect what you value and I pray God helps you as you do it in Jesus name.
- Pst (Mrs) Josephine Ivworin